The Effective way to solve the conflict is characterized by finding an agreement between two opposing ideas which engenders commitment, avoids harmful emotions and actions, and safeguards principles and relationship. The way to solve conflict in Buddhism is mentioned clearly in Kinti Sutta. The Buddha taught monks to solve the conflict between two opposite sides by approaching each side and talk to them the reason which they can accepted. We can learn from this Sutta for our knowledge to solve the conflict which will arise in Buddhism.
In Kinti Sutta, the Buddha explained that the Buddha taught the 37 Dodhipaksadhammas – a sort of systematic compendium of his teachings – for the benefit of all being. But, not all Buddha’s disciples practice what the Buddha teaches. Often they do things incompatible with the Teaching. Sometimes, they even start to quarrel with each other. The Buddha poses the question to monks that “if you find two sets of monks quarrelling in this way, what do you do?”
The Buddha, then explains that the first thing to do in such a situation is to find out what is going on, to establish clearly what the basis of the dispute is.
Then you look at one faction to identify the person in that faction who will be easiest to talk to, the one who has got the most reasonable mind, the most pleasant temperament. You go to him and you say, 'Look, you and those others are quarrelling about certain matters, but on more fundamental matters you are in compete agreement, so there is no need to quarrel. You can be in disagreement, but just don't quarrel.' In that way you calm them down. Then you go to the people on the other side and, similarly, you find the most reasonable person on that side. In just the same way you point out to him the fact that both parties agree on fundamental matters. You say, ‘Look, you are arguing about a point you disagree about, but disagreement doesn't necessarily mean disharmony. It doesn't have to lead to a breakdown in communication and negative feelings.’ In this way, you calm the two sides down and they are gradually able to come back into communication.
In the Sutta, the Buddha taught monks to solve the conflict which happen among monks’ community in this way. If you see two sets of people who are arguing, there will always be somebody on either side who is more reasonable than the rest. So you use those people to bring the rest of them together. Once you have persuaded the most reasonable person, they can gradually persuade the rest.
So, in solving the conflict, according to this Sutta, when there is a conflict, first, we need to find out what really is going on. And then we need to bring the two parties to a better attitude by going to them, especially by going to the more mature individuals involved on each side, and talking to them. If the matter is just a disagreement about minor issues or the way to do something, we should make the parties aware of this and show them that there is no need to quarrel about such things.
This is the way that the Buddha taught monks to solve the conflict. But, however, talking to someone to stop them from quarrel is not easy thing to do. They may turn back and quarrel to us. So we need to make a judgment about the person we are dealing with. If we found that it is possible to deal with that person, or that person is a reasonable one that can accept our intervention, then we can try to do it, and this is the best way to deal with the conflict that we learn from the Buddha.
But, the Buddha also taught in the Sutta that if we realize that there is nothing we can do, we see that, even if we go into things again and again, the other person is just not going to listen to us and we are just going to upset our self, perhaps upset them even more, and in the end they are still not going to understand. The Buddha says, 'Well all right, if that is the case, just keep quiet. Don't disturb your own mind to no purpose. So this is the important point that we must expect of, the possibility and impossibility in doing so, and then decide to do or not to do.
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